Reflecting on My Image
I recently had professional headshots done for the first time in my adult life.
It made me remember picture days from my youth:
my outfits were selected for me until I made it to high school; same with my hairstyle.
the appointed time was during school, so no need to make a special trip
no makeup was expected; just show up!
I definitely didn’t have to worry about paying any one.
Now that I am a grown-up, professional woman, I have to choose everything and make all the decisions! I went with a photographer who is a family friend, so that made the selection process easy. But everything else was so difficult. I changed my mind on my hair probably 10 times, right up to the point that I was getting in the car to head to my appointment. And my clothing selection is EXTREMELY limited. I had a baby in 2019, and then have been working from home since 2020. We have been on a tight budget for the last 6 months or so, and of course, my body has changed a lot. My wardrobe has been reduced down almost exclusively to graphic t-shirts, sweatpants and the occasional summery dress. I have 1 black blazer and white collared shirt that ‘fits’ me for interviews.
My photographer told me to pick between 5 and 7 looks and that we could narrow it down in the studio if necessary. I had 4 options, and they were just the things that fit and didn’t look too tight. And he immediately eliminated one! (I had to laugh at that honestly) I felt so uncomfortable in front of the camera. He tried to keep me distracted and laughing, but I couldn’t get over how old and tired I looked in the preview screen.
Now I have been given a link to a gallery to select 3 of my favorites for light retouching. I chose not to experiment with putting on makeup the day of, because I honestly haven’t worn makeup since around 2009 when I worked at a bank. Staring at my online gallery was daunting. I KNOW that I am sleep deprived and overweight, but man does it hit home when I actually look at my professional photos! It was so hard to pick 3 that I even wanted to represent me, and so frustrating that my photos do not fit the lively version of me in my head.
I have been on a health improvement and weight loss journey since around 2021. I have had lots of set backs and I am not happy with where I am today. I had a bit of a health warning (health scare seems too dramatic) earlier this year, which I am using as my impetus to actually try again. And looking at my photos from last week…I need to work a bit harder.
My current goal is to get new photos done in a year, hopefully with a marked improvement. I am probably the only person who will see the exhaustion in my current photos….but hopefully on my next set, everyone will see my light shining through!
